Books I loved reading.

Thursday, 30 July 2015

Errk

I proofed my newest entry to Amazon before I uploaded it and everything was fine. Now that it's published, it's less than fine. I'm really not sure what goes on during the conversion but I've found a lot of graphics on the wrong page, or widows and orphans littering the entire collection. I'm at work for a few days so as soon as I finish I'll have to reformat it - again, so people don't think I'm a complete amateur.

    Just once I'd like something to be easy.

   Getting into trouble is easy; upsetting my wife is easy, and really, really annoying my daughter is a piece of cake.

    But then, if it was simple it wouldn't be as much fun, I suppose.

Later.

    I did it again seven more times and it's still not perfect.

    And some of my text has turned blue!!!!!

Note to myself:           Never, ever write a book for Kindle with images...did I say never?

And now my wife wants to know why I haven't painted the house - I've had almost an hour. 

Wednesday, 29 July 2015

I finally got off my backside

Finally it's done. After messing about for weeks, changing the cover, changing the format, fretting that the clip-art wouldn't be in the correct place, or even there at all, I published my new blog/short story collection concerning my rather odd family.





    It's only 115 pages long but enough to see if people like it. I finished at the point where my old clockwork computer croaked. I'll begin part two if anyone likes it. Needles to say Beloved Wife, and my spawn are not overly delighted. Tonight will tell. If I don't wake up eviscerated then I'll quietly begin amassing all the next parts.

     If you want to download the free part it can be found at: Amazon

     Now it's time to start what I've been putting off: editing the final novels of my three trilogies.

    I think I'll begin with Progeny of Kongomato.

    Not much difference between that and my family collection: mayhem and destruction. 

Friday, 24 July 2015

Another last snippet before publication

I've finally finished my story collection and if I finish work at any time during the next week I'm going to publish.

   Here's one more snippet before I discover if I've done all required to make the images appear correctly.




Driving me even more insane



In my (military) life I’ve been shot at by numerous people - one of whom was on my own side. Another inconsiderate little sod once lobbed a petrol bomb at me, and there were certain parts of certain countries in the mid seventies where my life would have been over in a second had I been even a little careless.
I’ve been in three helicopter crashes and once found myself at five hundred feet with an extremely uncooperative parachute. Scared? Yes.
But I’ve now discovered a new type of terror; an interpretation for the word of which I was not previously aware.
I’ve just begun giving my daughter driving lessons.
‘Stop, Stop, Stop STOP!!!’  You’d have thought the first might have worked, or at least filtered through as forty tons of hurtling death in the form of a MacDonald’s truck headed towards us, on the wrong side of the road. Actually he was on the correct side of the road - we weren’t.
I almost wrenched the handbrake out of the floor twice and I’m convinced that under the passenger doormat there’s a deep hole where my feverishly stamping foot tried unsuccessfully to brake for her as my heart attempted to claw its way out of my chest before the impact. It’s six hours later and my heart still hasn’t dropped below one hundred and fifty beats per second.
I don’t know if I can survive another outing. In fact I’m toying with the idea of fire-bombing the car in the middle of the night and then be really shocked and upset tomorrow as she inspects the charred shell.

Monday, 20 July 2015

Publish and die

My family collection is now complete and I aim to publish within a few days. 

There are just two problems. The first is that I'm not sure the images will appear even though I've done it just the way MS said I should, and although they're not strictly necessary, they help to break up the book a little.

   The second snag-ette is that if I do, She has threatened to kill me.

    Can't think why.

    Here's the first page. 







In my continuing attempts to be a good father I was going to take my daughter shopping a few days ago so she could add to her already fifty or so phone covers. This was one to be genuine mink, apparently.
‘Are you ready?’ I called upstairs.
A mumbled grunt from upstairs signified ‘yes, father dear’ or something equally as non committal.
‘Did you make your bed?’
‘Wot?’
‘Well I was just wondering if you’d...’
‘You hate me. You hate me and wish I was dead!’
‘No I was just inquiring if you’d ...’
‘You’d rather have a Ferrari than me. You wish I’d never been born!’ Actually, I prefer Porsches but the distinction would have been lost on her.
 ‘Mum! Dad hates me and wishes I was dead. And he hates you, too, cos’ he told me.’
A heavy shifting sound from the living room preceded the sun scurrying for cover behind a cloud and the cat inserting itself under the sofa, mewling in terror.
‘What’s going on?’ My wife emerged as my daughter, a sometimes pretty seventeen year old, lumbered down the stairs scowling like Golem evicted from the underworld. It was a relief to see that she’d coloured her hair again. Green is just so last week.
I decided to let it go in case I added yet another phrase to the already lengthy list of obscenities at which I’m so good, like: hullo, or good morning, darling (to either of them), and so opted for the easy way out.  
‘I’m going upstairs to write.’
‘Yes, go on,’ my beloved intoned while the spawn from hell gloated on the staircase, ‘go up and spend some more time with that computer. You love it more than me, anyway.’
I’m beginning to understand where she’s gets it all from.

   

Tuesday, 14 July 2015

The final cover

My daughter saw my blog last evening - she was not happy about the final cover for my new collection of family stories.

    She shouldn't have given me an ultimatum. 

    And perhaps I should find somewhere to hide.

 

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