Wednesday, 16 August 2017

I decided to do something creative despite being old

As I'm still relatively healthy despite my advanced age, I decided to do something I've been thinking about for a while.

    It's been a long time since I was a Royal Marine Commando and despite working out every day for over forty years I can no longer claim to be as fit as I was as a teenager. I know that I couldn't climb up the side of a mountain with well over a hundred pounds on my back, and a damn heavy machine gun, and enough ammunition to begin, and probably end my own little war. But I am still reasonably fit. So I stopped smoking. It's been hard, although not as hard as I'd imagined.

    So to celebrate my new found wealth since a packet of ciggs in the UK costs about a million quid a packet, in just one week I've saved enough money to buy something I've been wanting for ages but couldn't really justify. 

    I bought ArtRage 5

    I know what it can do and I've been watching all kinds of tutorials on the net which has given me a pretty good idea how to begin. it doesn't have all the fancy tools of GIMP which I've had for years, or the fancy tools of Photoshop which I can't afford and wouldn't even if I could. But at least I get to try and have some fun at the same time.

    I've finished the cover for my new novel so I won't do it with ArtRage, but there's plenty of books left in these elderly fingers. Thus my next cover will be with that; perhaps an oil painting (he said, getting well ahead of himself as usual).

Saturday, 12 August 2017

It's time to face up to it.

On the eve of my fortieth birthday I spoke to my family, and in a friendly tone suggested that if they so much as mentioned my age on the morrow they would both die in horrible pain. Next day I was a grumpy old git and spent most of it on my own. Thereafter I was fine.

    Last week I received a circular from a very well known chemist's chain reminding me that as of the 10th of August I would officially be old. But just to soften the blow they also offered me a twenty five percent discount on everything they sold plus oodles of extra points on the loyalty card which I've thus far used just to clean the ice off my car windscreen. The offer might have worked were it not for the implication that due to my advanced age It might be better if I didn't dawdle on cashing in all those extra points.

    I'm only sixty!!!! I don't make Methuselah look like a spring chicken by comparison. I don't feel any different from the ninth of August when I was merely middle aged.

    The next person to ask me if I need help crossing the road is going to get the back of my hand.

    Although I am going to give in to one thing. My hair grows so fast that It's almost down to my backside in less than a month. If they offer me pensioner rates again I'm going to accept.

Tuesday, 8 August 2017

A**e about face as usual

As is usual for me, I've finished the cover for my new novel. The only thing is I haven't finished the novel - not even the first draft.

    I'm nearly there but I realised that come the end of version one I'll have to rewrite it. But everyone rewrites it, not once but several (dozen in my case) times. However in this instance I'm going to change his character. 

    I've found out to my cost that although I love dry humour it's not in me to write it. It's disappointing because I was so looking forward to it. Therefore I think I'll have to fall back on my usual style unless I'm writing a non comedic novel, which is to say juvenile, because, as my beloved is so fond of reminding me, I never really grew up even though my sixtieth birthday is looming dangerously close.

    I'll keep the cover a secret for now because I might alter it or change it all together. Though I'm not sure I will because the groan of revulsion from my daughter (allegedly) tells me that I might have got it right.

    When I do finish and publish this one I'm finally going to begin what I should have started fourteen novels ago, which is to say actually advertise them. My sales have dried up somewhat over the past few months and it's time I flogged a few.

    Here's a new picture of my favourite horse. Considering she's about ten times smaller than my daughter's other nags she really gives them some aggravation. It's worth waiting around for it just to see the shock in their faces.

  She really is the height of four breeze (cinder) blocks.

Sunday, 6 August 2017

After three weeks I finally got it.

I finally got my new bike.

    Although calling it a bike is a bit of an overstatement, really.

    I then almost buggered the whole thing up by putting diesel into it while leering at a proper motorbike in the petrol station.

    Compared to my own last proper bike it's a bit girly.

    I had to sell that one because my daughter (allegedly) needed a car. But then I would have had to get rid of it anyway because it was just too wide to get down the horrible road I have to travel everyday: the A40.

    Don't care. I've finally got the replacement for my other scooter which now has about a billion miles on the clock while I've been waiting. And I've spent an utter fortune on cables and locks. I know if they want it, then they (the scumbag thieves) will take it. I chose this one because its a newer version of the one I already have and is slow and a little boring but does get me through the traffic. So (and I'm ashamed to say this) I hope they'll pick on someone else.

Thursday, 3 August 2017

The most expensive place in the world?

I just got back from Switzerland and I'm broke.

   Whilst there I changed a £50 note and got just over 40 in Swiss francs, and after discovering that they didn't have the same type electric plug as France where I was heading next, I bought this.

    That, a cup of tea and a measly ham salad, and I had to get some more money changed. And there was me thinking that Monaco was the most expensive place on the planet.

    On the upside, wherever I happen to go in this galaxy I'll probably have a suitable plug socket.

    I'm not the picky type but you'd have thought for that amount of dosh they could have at least have squeezed in a USB socket.

Sunday, 30 July 2017

There's no excuse but I love it.

I've had the whole weekend to write. Almost twenty eight hours since I finished work, but I haven't been writing. I've been playing computer games.What? I hear you say. Messing about doing nothing? For shame!!

    Well, yes. I've burnt myself out writing and frankly I just don't know where the novel is going. I know what I want to happen but my fingers just won't type it. In fact I may have to begin all over again. But before I take that drastic step I'm having a few days off. I'll have plenty of time to write on Wednesday cooped up in a tiny little airplane going to another country.

     In fact, I know what the problem is. Ever since I got my spiffy new tablet I find it much easier to write on that instead of my computer. Hence the games. I also wanted to find out if this cheap and nasty PC I bought, instead of making it myself, has any power. I've been pleasantly surprised. It's a good job I no longer have DOOM or my writing might never start again.

    I have been working on the cover for said book. I don't know whether I should show you since it's a little rude. But since this won't be a novel for young people but adults I don't know why not. Clearly it's nowhere near finished but when it is it will be a caricature. In fact I might not even keep this one at all. Something even more shocking has just entered my nasty little brain.

Wednesday, 26 July 2017

It's a plot.

Almost three weeks on and I still haven't got my new bike.
    You'd think they would like to offload stock but nobody seems to be in the slightest bit concerned. I wish I could just go to another shop and get one from there, but the settlement of my finance on the first one they tried to steal and then destroy is contingent on my buying another there.

    If it isn't ready by Saturday I'm going to scream until I'm sick - and do it in the shop all over their brand new Harley Fat boy.

    So there!