Saturday, 27 May 2017

Occular oddities

I have a slight problem. My wife is always claiming the same kind of thing but I generally ignore her when she's in that kind of mood.
    I lost my glasses. 
    Normally that's not a problem. I don't need glasses for the important stuff, like trucks bearing down on me when I'm riding my motorbike, or plates bearing down on me when I'm ignoring my wife.
    I do need them when I'm on the computer. But not the ones I use for reading. They are far too strong and make me feel sick and dizzy if I try to use them for writing.
    I tried, anyway but the font on the screen was too big and still blurry. I tried moving further away from the screen but then my fingers were too far away from the keyboard.
    "Why don't you just move the keyboard a little closer to you," aforementioned wiflet suggested in that tone which hinted that I was in possession of serious problems.
    "You wouldn't understand, my petal," I responded, dabbing ineffectively at the keyboard which now had unplugged itself from the computer.
    "Then why don't you move the monitor further away from you?" she sneered in that particular voice she reserves for when I'm really being a plonker.
    "Because there's a wall in the way."
    "Well move the desk further back from the wall then push the screen thing away from you." Did I mention that my wife can speak in italics? I could even hear her smiling from behind me.
    I stood, ready to turn and consider physical violence when the distinctive sound of breaking glasses broke my stride.
    I don't know whether it was the shattered frames, or the amount of Elastoplast it took to repair them that made her peal of delighted laughter even more unbearable.
    I think it's time for the old spider-under-the-pillow punishment again.

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